I, ____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
______Vodka on Rocks ______a Margarita ____ a Scotch ______ Glass of wine_______a Bloody Mary ______a Gin and Tonic _______a Tee Time ______a Steak _____ Beer ______Lobster or crab legs ______the remote control ______a bowl of ice cream ______the sports page______Sex ______or Chocolate,
it should be presumed that I won’t ever get any better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.